How to respond
What to do and say when someone tells you they have been abused.
If a child tells you
What you say in the first two minutes matters more than anything that follows. Children read an adult's face before they hear the words. If you react with shock, anger, or disgust, even at the person who harmed them, many children conclude they have done something wrong and stop talking.
- Stay calm, even if you do not feel calm
- Say that you believe them and that you are glad they told you
- Make clear it is not their fault
- Do not ask leading questions, and do not press for detail. Investigators need the child's own account, not one shaped by your questions
- Do not promise to keep it secret. Say instead that you will get help from people who know what to do
- Write down what was said, in the child's own words, as soon as you can
Report it
Call 999 if a child is in immediate danger. Otherwise contact the Trinidad and Tobago Police Service or the Children's Authority of Trinidad and Tobago. Reporting is not something you need to be certain about first.
If an adult tells you
Listen without interrupting. Offer support rather than instruction. Whether to report is the survivor's decision, and taking that decision away from someone who has just had control taken from them causes real harm.
One piece of practical information is worth offering gently: a medical examination as soon as possible preserves evidence, and it does not commit anyone to making a report. It simply keeps the option open. Many people decide weeks later that they want to proceed, and are glad the evidence exists.
Reactions vary and change over time
Some people respond immediately, others months or years later. Some appear composed and are not. Some recover quickly, others carry effects for a long time. None of these responses says anything about whether an assault occurred, and a calm survivor is not a doubtful one.
Look after yourself as well
Supporting someone through this is heavy, and people who take it on often neglect their own needs. Find another trusted adult to talk to, one who is not directly involved. You will be a better support if you are not carrying it alone.